1. I didn’t make the time I needed to.
I learned that making an effort has to be a two-way street. To expect that one person will make plans and the other person will just follow them doesn’t work. You both have to make the effort, and one person shouldn’t constantly be claiming that they’re “busier” than the other.
2. I was unnecessarily jealous.
And I didn’t need to be at all. I almost feel like I was just being jealous because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. But I had no reason to doubt my S.O., and putting him in a position where he often needed to defend himself put us in a bad place.
3. I gave him standards I wasn’t meeting myself.
Which was a really unfair precedent for me to set. It was one of those things I didn’t even realize I was doing in the moment, but looking back, I know I was.
4. I took things too personally, when they weren’t meant to be taken that way.
And in my defense, I think when you’re in a relationship, and you’re someone who takes things really personally, your S.O. should really KNOW and accept that about you. It shouldn’t have to be a fight every time, they should just understand that that is how you come. But I did learn that maybe I’m a bit of an overly sensitive person.
5. I didn’t know what give and take meant.
Again, the two-way street thing was lost on me for a while, and that also meant that compromising wasn’t my strong suit. Compromise. Is. Key. That’s what I’ve learned.
6. I let my emotional fears get in the way.
And instead of exposing them, and explaining them to my S.O. so he would understand and feel like he was in the know, I kept them to myself. I allowed my emotional fears to make me closed off, which meant I wasn’t always honest in my relationship.
7. I was too scared to let my vulnerabilities show.
And I feel like that’s what he needed to see most.
8. And in general, I was scared of getting hurt, which hindered my ability to love fully.
I wanted to give him my full range of emotions, because those feelings really did exist for him, but I didn’t show him until it was too late.
9. I didn’t want my family to be involved.
I just felt like I was never ready. I’d spent a lot of time with his family, but whenever he mentioned meeting my family, I made excuses. They’re much farther away, and I was worried that if they met, they’d get as invested as I was, and then I’d be letting them down if it didn’t work out.
10. The way I thought I would be in a relationship was totally different from how I actually acted.
Turns out, I wasn’t the picture-perfect girlfriend pop culture taught me to be.
11. I didn’t want to let him into things I did on my own.
And while I definitely think having alone time in a relationship is important, I pushed a little too hard for my space. If I could do it again, I would just be honest about needing more time for myself, instead of being evasive.
12. I knew it wasn’t quite right, but I wasn’t willing to see it.
I think I really ignored the fact that we had too many incompatibilities. And yes, some of the issues came from me being very guarded and not sharing with him. But I think it also just wasn’t as right as I thought it was when I initially got swept up in everything.