Romance is just not what it used to be. Before iPhones and MacBooks and all that jazz, it was considered totally normal and expected to meet your person in high school, college, at work or through a friend or family member. Today, of course, it doesn’t quite work out that way. If you’re still single and have entered the crazy and sometimes creepy world of online dating, you know that romance is pretty much dead these days. You swipe right and left and hope that the guy you meet in person isn’t super weird and that he at least looks like his profile picture. So it’s really no surprise that romance is few and far between for most people today, and that it doesn’t really seem all that important. Here are 15 reasons that romance sucks.
15-Everyday Moments Are What Count
When you picture your life when you finally get a boyfriend (any day now, thanks!), do you really think of rose petals on your bed, getting surprised with flowers at work, and getting chocolate from your boyfriend all the time? Probably not. You think of the everyday moments. You don’t want the red roses and candles and sunsets. Okay, you’re not exactly opposed to those things, but you don’t want them on a regular basis. You want someone to wake up before you and grab Starbucks (#dreamguy). You want to watch your latest Netflix obsession with someone by your side. You want sweet moments on a daily basis, not huge gestures and not something to update your Facebook status about. You know that love is about the small moments every single day of the week, not what is incredibly romantic.
14-Romance Isn’t About The Grand Gestures
Sorry guys, you’re trying and you try really, really hard to do what your girlfriends want you to. But while some women totally swoon over grand gestures, others are kind of insulted when they get flowers or chocolate on birthdays, anniversaries and/or Valentine’s Day. It just seems so expected and unoriginal. The idea that a woman needs to be courted or fussed over seems pretty weird in this day and age. The traditional ideas of romance definitely come from movies and music, and unfortunately, they can be a bit s_-ist sometimes. If romance was considered picking up dinner on the way home from work to help your partner out or something super sweet and cool like that, romance might seem like a better idea. But that’s just not how the world works. Sigh.
13-Flowers Are Silly
It’s 2016. It’s time to stop thinking that flowers mean love. They do not. They absolutely do not. Flowers as a romantic gesture? Super commercial, expensive, and there’s zero imagination behind them. It’s like every male under the sun thinks that, yeah, most girls are going to be totally swooning when they get flowers. While this is true, it’s not true for every person. To get super dark, flowers die, so it’s not the best gift. But also, if you want flowers, you can totally buy them for yourself, right? Why do you need your boyfriend or crush to buy them for you? There’s literally no point. Sorry guys, flowers aren’t the best, most romantic gestures that you think they are. They’re pretty silly.
12-Some Guys Are Romantic When It Suits Them
A bouquet of red roses a few times a year. Mushy anniversary cards. Social media updates. Nope, those so-called romantic things don’t make up for crappy behavior on a regular basis, and yet tons of guys think that this is completely acceptable. You’ve probably had friends who date the biggest losers you can possibly imagine, but they stay with those guys because sometimes, they get romantic and your friends get all excited. Ugh. A sweet Hallmark card absolutely does not make up for a bad boyfriend. So that’s why romance sucks: lots of people are tricked into thinking that romance on a rare basis is more important than getting treated properly every day of your relationship.
11-Romance Doesn’t Work Long-Term
Think about it: there’s a reason that lots of people joke (but they’re really being pretty serious) that romance can totally fade when you’ve been married for a while. If you want a long-term love, that doesn’t always mean tons of romance. Okay, maybe at first, because hopefully the beginning of a new relationship is insanely exciting and magical, otherwise there’s basically no point. The showy stuff? It totally fades. What’s left is even better though: a true bond, a real connection, mutual respect, communication, and friendship. That sounds much better than a few romantic gestures every once in a while. It’s a good idea to focus on a real connection with another human being that can last forever, not just red roses and candlelit pasta dinners with red wine.
10-Romance Is Awkward
Look, it’s pretty rare that your boyfriend gets super mushy on you and you feel completely normal and okay about the whole thing. You’re mushy right back, have a ton of pet names for him, and you don’t find it weird at all. Nope, that doesn’t really happen. For the most part, let’s just admit it: romance is just plain awkward. Life is awkward enough, right? Sometimes when couples are super gushy towards each other, it’s a sign that they care about seeming super romantic and in love rather than actually feeling that and experiencing it. A lot of times, people try to act towards their significant other in a way that they think is expected of them, but that’s not the best idea. Be yourself!
9-Romance Should Be Private
These days, romance is all about cute emojis (those heart eyes on a yellow smiley face are pretty popular) and posting couple selfies on Instagram and Facebook. And those kinds of things can be completely and utterly cringe-worthy for other people. You may think that the world wants to see your cute faces, but nope, they really don’t. Sorry to break it to you. Romance, at its core, should be totally private, and until we get back to that innocent definition of the word, romance pretty much sucks. It just doesn’t seem possible to share those types of things and yet still be living a genuine love story and have an authentic connection with your partner. Sorry, we just can’t get behind that.
8-Romance Is Different For Everyone
If you want flowers, okay fine, that’s okay. If you want something more unique, that’s totally cool too, because romance is completely different for everyone. But since the version of romance that society favours and that everyone focuses on is super traditional, then that unfortunately means that romance pretty much is the worst. It just is. It’s hard not to feel totally left out when you don’t want to celebrate Valentine’s Day and you always end up forgetting your anniversary, and it’s not that you hate your boyfriend and want to break up — no way. You just can’t imagine why that day is so important when you have such a great bond, connection and relationship. Why focus on something that society wants you to but means nothing to you?
7-Romance Is Based On The Movies
This is pretty obvious, but it also really needs to be said. The way that you think about romance is definitely based on what everyone sees in the movies. The kissing in the rain. The end-of-the-movie make-out session. The running through the airport speech about not being able to live without the other person. So it’s no wonder that we try to copy that in real life. The problem with that, though? Real life isn’t the movies. We know, you’re so shocked. But it’s true. Real life is messy and weird and creepy sometimes and nice sometimes and exhausting most of the time. So don’t focus on Hollywood’s version of romance, because it’s not going to work for you, your relationship or your life.
6-Guys Feel Pressure
And that’s just not fair. Why do guys have to feel all the pressure about putting effort into a relationship? For some reason, when we think about romance, we think that the boyfriends are the ones who have to be romantic. That shouldn’t be the case. Both people in a relationship should be romantic, so it should be more equal, but unfortunately it’s not. That’s when guys feel too much pressure to “perform” in a romantic way in a sense, and we think that should change ASAP. So if your boyfriend seems upset and your birthday or Valentine’s Day or Christmas is coming up, let him know that he shouldn’t feel any pressure at all, because romance can really suck and you should focus on your love story, not anyone else’s expectations.
5-You Feel Pressure, Too
Okay, so you usually think of males as the ones who are forced to be romantic, but sometimes you want to do something nice for your significant other. So what do you do? You have no idea, right? It’s super difficult to think of cute, fun date ideas beyond dinner and a movie or cooking a meal together or something like that. It’s even tougher to think of romantic gifts, whether it’s your boyfriend’s birthday or it’s Christmas. Guys are just so hard to buy for, no matter how much they might swear that the opposite is true. It’s not fair that romance has become something that both people in a relationship sweat over and worry about. It should be natural, not forced, but unfortunately that’s just not the way that it is.
Let’s be honest here: most ideas of romance are insanely cheesy. They’re basically embarrassing. So if your significant other does something super adorable and romantic for you, do you really want to broadcast it on social media, let alone tell your closest friends and family? Maybe not. The people in your life are pretty much going to laugh and make fun of you for the rest of time. You would do the same if it was them (admit it). Real love isn’t cheesy, or at least it shouldn’t be. It should be enjoyable and sweet and unique, and it doesn’t really matter how romantic you and your boyfriend are. It actually couldn’t matter less. Your relationship is your own, and you can act however you want.
3-It’s Tied To Valentine’s Day
For some reason, when you think of romance, February 14th is the first and pretty much the only thing that comes to mind. Why? Well, the whole commercial nature of it might have something to do with it. You think of flowers, candy, chocolate, Teddy Bears, cheesy cards, the whole deal. Why can’t romance be something other than one day a year? Again, this is like having romance shoved down your throat. That’s not the best idea, is it? If you want to be a total rebel and shun romance on V-Day, you should definitely do that. You’ll have more fun anyway doing whatever you want instead of listening to society’s ideas of what makes a romantic evening. After all, if you celebrate Feb 14th the way that society wants you to you, your boyfriend is just going to get all stressed out finding the right flowers and the right chocolate and making the right dinner reservation, and no one wants that, not really.
As we mentioned above, it’s not cheap to be romantic these days… and maybe it never was. Society tells you to spend as much money as you possibly can on the object of your affection, and that pretty much goes back to your elementary school days. Remember when you bought V-Day cards for everyone in your class? That took money, right? When you’re older and your boyfriend wants to do some big, grand romantic gesture, he’s probably going to book you guys a surprise vacation somewhere fabulous or plan a night out on the town. Again, that costs a ton of money. It’s a shame that smaller, less pricey gestures don’t get all the attention, because those can actually be a million times better.
1-It’s Not Practical
The number one reason that romance sucks, if you’re being totally and completely yourself with yourself? Romance just is not practical. Not in any way, shape or form. It’s just not part of your daily life or your everyday routine, and that’s actually a shame, because if anything, love should be as practical as possible. You’re not supposed to just fall in love and forget the person ever existed, you’re supposed to work at your relationship and make sure that it lasts. So why can’t romance last? Why does it have to be tied to certain commercial holidays or grand gestures? So while society’s idea of romance totally sucks, in theory the idea is not the worst thing ever, because sometimes romance does make life worth living. But until we can figure out a way to make romance more practical, you can go back to hating Valentine’s Day and rolling your eyes when a friend brags that her boyfriend bought her flowers.