Even though every relationship is unique and different, many women still believe that there are certain behaviors that are automatic red flags – no matter what. They see the signs as suspicious, which even leads them to reevaluate the entire relationship, despite how well things have been going!
Now, there are definitely a few things that are red flags, no question. If your guy treats you badly in any way, shape, or form, you need to get rid of him ASAP. However, there are a lot of behaviors that may make you feel like he’s being untruthful when, in reality, you’re just reading a bit too much into things. Blame your suspicions on all the less-than-stellar guys who came before him and made you automatically assume the worst in any guy that entered your life afterwards! We’re not saying that a guy who does these things is The One, but it shouldn’t be immediate grounds for dumping either – every guy is different, and some of these may be totally innocent behaviors or quirks. Relationships are complicated!
Here are 20 things he does that may seem untruthful, but really aren’t.
We know, we know — in this day and age, when someone doesn’t have any kind of social media presence, you automatically assume it’s because they’re trying to hide something and keep their life majorly on the down low. However, that’s definitely not always the case. As anyone who has a social media profile knows, it can be as toxic as it is fun — and it can be a total time waster. There’s a chance that your guy just doesn’t want that in his life. Maybe he’s got a busy schedule and doesn’t want the temptation, or maybe he genuinely just doesn’t care about that. Either way, it’s not automatically negative — it could even be a positive quality!
Many of us are so used to a guy bragging about what he does and how amazing he is at it, that a guy who doesn’t really want to talk about his job sets off a red flag.
And there are certainly exceptions — if you get a bit of a vibe that your guy may not want to discuss his line of work because it isn’t entirely legal, that’s definitely a red flag. However, the more likely situation is your guy doesn’t want to talk about his job because he’s not that proud of it at the moment — perhaps he’s currently unemployed, or he’s working a minimum wage job because he can’t find work in his dream industry. It’s nothing to be ashamed of either way, but it’s not something you want to lead with on a date.
This all comes down to a matter of how he interacts with his female friends. A guy who has a ton of female friends shouldn’t automatically set off a red flag in your mind. In fact, it could be a positive thing, indicating that he genuinely enjoys the company of women and respects them and just likes to hang out with them. It could indicate that he builds really strong friendships that last for years. The only thing to take note of is if his interactions with all his female friends are a bit overly flirty, to the point where you feel uncomfortable; that may be a sign that there’s something beyond friendship going on.
17-He Wants To Keep Your Relationship Off Social Media
If you’re the kind of person who posts everything on social media, from your birthday celebrations to the amazing meal you just had, it may seem like your guy is ashamed of you or cheating on you if he wants to keep your relationship on the down low. Now, there’s a difference between him refusing to introduce you to any of his friends in real life, and simply refusing to broadcast your relationship online. Everyone has a different level of comfort when it comes to their privacy.
Some people just don’t really feel comfortable sharing details about their personal life online, and he may just be one of those people.
16-He Doesn’t Always Tell You Everything That He Tells His Friends
Listen, here’s the thing — no matter how amazing your guy is, and how great your relationship is, there may just be things that he feels more comfortable sharing with his guys. There’s not necessarily something automatically suspicious about that. I mean, come on — there are probably things that you would rather get your BFFs opinion on than ask your guy, right? Or, sometimes, they want to get their friends’ opinion on something about your relationship — how to surprise you for your birthday, or whether or not they think you’re as into him as he is into you. There are a lot of things he may want to get his group of friends’ advice on.
Okay, on paper, it may seem a little bit suspicious that your guy password protects everything and seems hyper paranoid about security. After all, someone like that must have something he’s hiding, right? Not exactly. In this day and age, security is a big deal, so your guy may just be vigilant about making sure his information is protected and that no one manages to hack into any of his accounts or devices.
If he hides a lot from you and is always shutting off his devices when you come in the room, that’s another issue, but simply valuing a strong password isn’t immediate grounds for suspicion.
If your guy doesn’t seem to want to introduce you to any of his family members, it can be easy to assume it’s because he’s embarrassed of you or doesn’t take your relationship seriously. However, everyone has a different family situation, and it may simply be that his family is a toxic influence in his life and he doesn’t want to go down that path. Or, perhaps he introduced women to his family before and they were really harsh and scared them off, and he doesn’t want to risk that happening in your relationship. There are a lot of potential reasons he may hesitate to bring you home to mom and dad.
13-He Responds With Short, Undetailed Messages
Many women are really great at communicating, so if your guy only responds in monosyllabic texts and seems to send super brief messages, you might assume that it’s because he’s hiding something.
In reality, it could just be that that’s the way he texts with literally everyone.
Now, if you always see him composing paragraph-long texts to his boys, you could totally ask why you get the one-word answers, but if he’s more the strong and silent type, that might just be his texting style. Even if it’s wildly different than yours, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s doing something suspicious.
12-He Keeps You Separate From Parts Of His Life
This is another one of those situations that can be tough to figure out. If your guy isolates every single element of his life, it could be because he’s hiding things. However, it doesn’t always mean there’s something suspicious going on. It could just be that he has a lot of different interests and doesn’t necessarily see that combining them is that important. Perhaps he absolutely loves playing pick-up basketball once a week with his buddies, and values that guy time, and doesn’t necessarily want to bring his girl into that world, because his buddies don’t bring theirs. Whatever the situation, it’s probably more complicated than you think.
So many of us have our phones basically attached to our hands 24/7, and it can seem suspicious if someone takes a long time to respond to a text message. After all, you always respond within 5 minutes at the very max — why wouldn’t he do the same? Well, that’s not necessarily a red flag — perhaps he has the kind of job where he doesn’t have his phone on him. There are a lot of potential reasons he might not text back ASAP.
He could be giving a friend his focused attention, or maybe he’s simply not the type to keep his phone glued to his hand when he’s relaxing at home.
10-He Doesn’t Really Express Jealousy
Okay, most women love a guy who is secure with himself and doesn’t flip out over every little situation, but there are also a fair amount of women who seem to like a little drama in their relationship. To those types of women, it might feel like his total lack of jealousy means he’s not really that into you. Often, it just means he’s a guy who is confident and secure and doesn’t really feel the need to be jealous. And no, he’s not lying about his jealousy and silently seething on the inside — he’s probably genuinely fine if you hang out with your guy friends because he trusts you.
9-He Says He Likes Some Of The Same Strange Things You Do
If you’re a huge fan of yoga and your guy wants to tag along with you because he says he also loves yoga, it may seem a little suspicious at first. After all, why would he have the same interests as you?
While opposites certainly attract, it’s definitely normal for couples to find certain things that they both enjoy doing and that they can do together.
If he says he likes a few of the things you like, even if they’re a bit unusual, you shouldn’t automatically assume he’s lying to get close to you — he might genuinely enjoy doing those things!
8-He Swears He Likes Your Friends, But Doesn’t Want To Hang Out With Them
If your guy says he really likes your friends, but always turns down invitations when you invite him along to a group hang, it’s easy to feel suspicious that he truly doesn’t enjoy spending time with them. However, the actual reason could be a whole lot sweeter. He might like your gesture of inviting him along, but he knows you need some dedicated girl time in your life, and he wants you to have that without him tagging along. Now, if he immediately leaves whenever your girls stop by, that’s another issue — but if he simply doesn’t choose to tag along on girls’ night, that might actually be kind of a sweet gesture on his part.
7-He Doesn’t Tell You How Much Money He Makes Early In The Relationship
Everyone knows that money can be a hugely contentious thing in a relationship. Whether you both make roughly the same and simply have different spending habits, or whether one person makes triple what the other makes, there are a lot of potential situations where drama could arise. Now, obviously a guy who is secretive about his financial status even when you’re in a super serious relationship is cause for concern.
If your guy just doesn’t really want to go into what he makes in the first few dates, that’s not necessarily a red flag.
Perhaps he’s doing well, and has previously had some negative experiences with women who’re only after his money.
6-He Always Tells You That You Look Amazing
We’re pretty sure every girl has been in this situation at least once. You feel totally gross, you barely put on any make-up, your hair is a mess, you’re in comfy clothes rather than something cute — and your guy tells you that you look absolutely incredible. You immediately assume he’s lying and he wants something because, well, ladies can be a little crazy sometimes. News flash — he’s not being untruthful, he genuinely believes you look gorgeous! Just because we can be incredibly hard on ourselves when it comes to the way we look doesn’t mean he feels the same way.
It can seem like your guy is being untruthful if he refuses to open the ‘ex’ files, but again, there are a lot of potential reasons someone may not want to go down that path.
Maybe he worries you might feel jealous, or perhaps he had a super toxic ex and doesn’t really want to go down memory lane.
It’s possible that he hasn’t really had a lot of serious relationships and doesn’t want to tell you that, in case you’d think he’s not able to commit or that there’s something wrong with him. Plus, the ‘ex’ conversation is almost always super uncomfortable — maybe he just wants to avoid that altogether.
4-He Cancels Plans Last Minute Because Something Came Up
This one is all a question of frequency. If your guy cancels plans once because he said his friend is having a personal crisis and needs his support, you shouldn’t automatically feel upset and suspicious. In fact, you should be impressed that he’s the kind of guy who cares so deeply about his friends and is there to support them! This one only becomes an issue if he cancels plans on a regular basis — that shows a total lack of respect for your time, and it shows that he’s definitely not putting you first in his life. As in any situation, it’s complicated and there’s a lot of potential things to consider.
3-He’s Constantly Fidgeting
Many are quick to assume that if someone is fidgeting constantly, it’s because they’re nervous or lying, or that something suspicious is going on. However, that’s definitely not always the case — there are some people who just naturally fidget a lot, and have a lot of pent up energy that they get rid of through their little fidgeting gestures. It doesn’t mean he’s lying to you — in fact, it may be that he’s nervous about how the date is going, and that’s how he’s calming himself down. Every person is unique, and has their unique quirks — perhaps fidgeting is just one of his.
2-He Checks Himself Out In The Mirror More Than You Do
We get it — if your guy is checking himself out in the mirror constantly, it may seem like he’s making sure he looks good for other people, or that he’s vain, neither of which are particularly desirable. However, it may come down to an issue of confidence. Guys try to project confidence because they’ve been told it’s an attractive quality, but some guys simply don’t have that level of self-esteem built up quite yet.
He might genuinely be checking himself out to make sure his hair looks okay and that he doesn’t have anything stuck in his teeth, because he wants to impress you.
1-He Says He’s Too Tired To Do Something Fun
If your guy tells you he’s too tired from a long week of work to hit the town with you on Friday night, it’s easy to assume that he’s lying and has other plans he just doesn’t want to reveal. After all, what kind of young guy is too tired to have fun with his partner? Well… a lot of them. I mean, just think about it. Everyone has had particularly gnarly weeks where all you want to do when the weekend hits is crash on your couch, binge-watching your favorite show in your comfiest pajamas. Don’t assume he’s lying — it could just be that he had a tough week and can’t find the energy to go out that particular weekend.