I was 22 years old when my heart was broken for the first time.

He called me and said he was on his way to my house and wanted to talk. I knew immediately what was going on. I knew that was our end.

And though my heart broke into millions, I managed to find the courage to meet him and to have the soul-rending conversation.

In the process, I had to experience everything, the fear, the sweaty hands, the fast beating heart, the fear and the unbearable pain, above all, what will happen.

 

He picked me up and we went to a quiet place. It hurts. It was one of the most painful experiences in my life. I mourned the loss of the relationship for almost a full year.

I was so deeply hurt and my heart was so broken, but still I could not give up the memories we shared.

Five years have passed since then and I really hope that he is happy – one thing I know for sure is that I’m glad he split up with me that night. Because I never had the strength to do it myself.

At some point after this painful separation, my best friend decided to put an end to our friendship.

She told me that she  feels that we are not developing together and that we are not mentally and energetically at the same level.

She told me that she needed space to focus on herself and she wanted to change her life and meet new people. That was a very hard time for me.

At that moment I felt abandoned. I could not understand how she could do that to me while I was healing from all the heartache and pain of the previous relationship.

The pain I felt at this time felt unbearable because we were both always together, always sharing everything, joy and sorrow, today I understand why she turned her back on me. I can understand her decision and do not blame her.

At that time, I lost many people. Without any fights. It just felt like the time had come. And with that, I realized that sometimes we do not need a reason to separate ourselves from others.

Sometimes we just move on and distance ourselves from our previous relationships.

I’ve noticed that most of the friendships that I had in high school or during my studies broke up, because at that time it was only important for us to have someone who had our energy for going out, partying, and getting up early for class at 7 o’clock : 30 shares.

We separated and lost each other. Not because we did not have a real friendship, but because we proved to be different people with different hobbies and interests.

And although I still find it hard to look at the pictures of  the people who are no longer in my life,  I wish them well and appreciate these memories. I do not regret that we avoided each other.

I understand that we needed that experience to grow and grow on our own. If these experiences did not exist, I would not live the life that I live today. I would not be the person I am today.

All these relationships have shaped me and made me realize what I want in life and what kind of people I need by my side. And I’m going to trade that where I am now for nothing in the world … For nothing!

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