That’s all in the past now. You miss the old version of me.

I’m not that person anymore, so it’s easy… You can’t miss me… so stop it!

I know that I look to you like I haven’t cried a day.

Now when you look at me, you see a strong woman, smiling sincerely and from the bottom of her heart.

Yes, I am that woman standing in front of you.

I wasn’t like that when you left me. You have no idea what I went through or how long it took me to become what I am today.

I’ve been through hell and back. I cried myself to sleep, asking myself why I was not good enough and if I ever would be. 

I’ve been on a whole journey since you left me.

While you were having fun, enjoying your life and your freedom (having no idea you were going to come back crawling), I was picking up the pieces of my dignity, love, and ability to trust anyone else ever again.

I’ve been up and down, I went through every crisis an addict goes through.

 

I missed you so much that it physically hurt. I would have done anything just to get you back.

I was ready for anything, just to be by your side. I was so addicted to you and I had no idea.

Not until I got sober for the first time. Now, I’ve changed. I’ve grown. I’ve moved on. 

You miss me, but you miss the wrong person.

I’m not and nor will I ever return to being the girl you once knew. I’m not pliable anymore.

I’m not that girl you played games with and enjoyed only when you had the time.

I’m not that girl who used to send you texts and call you to get a voicemail in return.

I’m not sitting on my bed anymore, anxiously staring at my phone, hoping that your name will pop up on the screen.

Fuck that, I’m done. 

I’m not innocent and I’m not sweet anymore. I’m not lovable anymore and I’m not the favorite one in your gang anymore. Do you want to know why?

Because you taught me that I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not just for the purpose of getting people to love me.

 

You made me realize that I don’t need fake friends to be happy. Moreover, I’m happier without them in my life.

I don’t have to pretend to laugh at jokes that are not funny. I don’t have to be someone I’m not just to be liked—by you or anyone else. 

So, no… I’m not the girl you miss anymore.

I know you don’t like it, but frankly… I don’t care. You don’t like it because I’m not that easy to manipulate anymore.

Back in the day, you could have done anything and I would have found an excuse for your behavior.

I would have forgiven you for the most horrible things… because I was blind. Blind and foolish.

Today, I’m not letting you treat me with disrespect. I’m not letting you belittle me or walk all over me. Those days are gone. I know it, but sadly, you still don’t.

I can clearly see through your lies. There is nothing in this world you could hide from me.

And when I find out what you’re hiding, I say it out loud. I have no problem with outing you in front of anybody.

I have no problem because I simply don’t care anymore.

I’ve finally realized my own worth and I’m not trading that feeling for anyone or anything in this world.

A part of me still feels guilty for abandoning that sweet, gullible girl from the past.

 

That girl trusted everyone. That girl put everyone else’s happiness before her own.

I’m sad because the world functions in a way where you mustn’t give selfless help to everyone around you.

If you do so without carefully choosing who deserves to be helped, it’s going to destroy you.

In the end, you’re going to find yourself empty on the inside, unable to remember the last time you smiled because you were happy.

You were my lesson, the toughest lesson I had to learn. And now… now I put myself first.

I’ve sworn to myself that my happiness is never going to disappear again.

I take care of myself, something the person you remember never did.   

I’m not the person you used to know. I’m not the one you miss, so please… leave me alone. 

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