How do you fix a toxic relationship? Is it even possible and why would you want to?
There are so many unanswered questions – questions that don’t seem that logical at first – but fear not!
I’m here to clear all your doubts and help you make the best of the situation you’re currently in.
We’re here to help you turn your decaying communion into a nice and healthy relationship.
Before jumping to the fixing part, we’ll answer the burning questions that have to be asked first.
- What are the signs of a toxic relationship?
- Why would you want to fix it?
- Is it even possible to fix a toxic relationship?
Later in this article, you’re going to put your finger precisely on toxic behaviors and recognize once and for all whether or not you’re in a toxic relationship.
Many people fail to realize they’re being abused or refuse to accept it, so they deny it because they don’t want to admit defeat.
Let’s be honest here…. No one likes to take responsibility for their actions.
By this, I mean that no one wants to admit failure and the fact that the red flags were there all along but they somehow missed it.
Missing those signs is pretty common. It’s what love brings with itself. When you’re in love, you’re practically blind.
All you see is that which you want to see. At that moment, it’s perfection and love enchantment.
At that moment, there’s no time for doubt. And that’s how things go wrong.
Why would you want to fix a broken relationship?
Firstly, you don’t want to just give up. The person who hurt you is the person you once loved.
It’s hard for you to believe that all of a sudden the person you fell in love with turned into a toxic person you don’t recognize.
It’s logical you’ll put all effort into bringing him back.
Also, there’s a part of you that still believes and hopes this phase is just a rough patch that will be smoothed over very soon.
Thirdly, admitting the defeat of an unhealthy relationship is an enormous blow to your personal development.
The instant you recognize what happened to you, the healing process is about to begin.
First, you bother yourself with questions on how to move on, how to finally find peace and get over him for good.
Then, you slowly start living through the process of getting better, which is long and painful.
Now, if you had a chance, wouldn’t you avoid all this and try to save what’s left of your bad relationship?
The answer to this question is 99 percent of the time… positive.
Is it even possible to save a toxic relationship?
Have you ever wondered why relationships fail? I bet you think it’s because of toxic behaviors and negative emotions. Although this is often the truth, there is another side to the story.
Everyone experiences ups and downs in a relationship because no relationship is perfect. So, in a nutshell, relationships don’t fail only because of foul behavior, they fail because of lack of trying to save it.
I’m not saying a person should put up with abuse at all costs, I’m saying you should try to find the deeper issue that’s causing the malicious behavior all of a sudden.
So, to answer the question above: Yes, toxic relationships stand a chance after all.
The important thing is to reach out to your partner and emotionally crack him open. Get to the bottom of the problem at hand and if he’s willing to accept your help, there is hope to turn the situation to your favor.
Beware, this process is very long and it doesn’t happen overnight. Take time and think things through.
Make a strategic plan on how to start healing your broken relationship and take one step at a time. Patience is a virtue.
So, let’s begin fixing it step by step…
How to fix a toxic relationship?
1. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!
You have to remain consistent. If you said that something’s bothering you, you mustn’t back down from your standpoint.
Give that person a warning not to ever do it again or else you’ll take some precautions.
This method is not easy, but it’s for your own well-being and your relationship’s future.
Toxic situations are born when boundaries are not respected.
Learn from your mistakes and if your partner does something you specifically asked him not to again, then use certain measures you’ve warned him about.
The key is to actually take these measures and not just talk about them.
2. First, fix yourself
If you try to change the other person by force, you’re only going to make the situation worse.
Instead, focus on yourself and the things you’re doing wrong. When you get your emotional reactions in order, you’ll have a bigger impact on your partner.
So, start with yourself and improve yourself to make your relationship work.
3. Identify the problem
Get to the bottom of things before you decide to do anything about it.
Put your finger on the problem that’s causing disruption in your relationship. There must be a trigger of some kind that’s causing toxic behavior.
Maybe it’s jealousy or he doesn’t trust you, or perhaps he’s simply insecure.
Whatever the problem is, there is a solution as well. When you find out what is causing problems in your romantic relationship, approach it accordingly.
4. You need your space
Toxic behavior often comes from spending too much time together.
It may sound improbable, but it’s often the root problem of every relationship. In order to avoid this, make sure you leave some time for yourself.
You need it to gather your thoughts and deal with personal problems and issues that are bothering you but you can’t share it.
Couples can only survive if they function perfectly fine as individuals. Because when you’re happy with yourself, you won’t ask for trouble in a relationship.
When you don’t love yourself or when you have any unresolved issues with yourself, these are going to subconsciously affect your relationship, thus causing the toxic behavior.
When trying to fix your relationship, try to talk to your partner and suggest he spends more time with himself, but be careful not to make him think you’re distancing yourself on purpose.
If he misinterprets this maneuver, it will only cause bigger problems – probably beyond repair.
5. Keep the communication open and constant
Make sure he knows you’re always available to reach. Human nature makes us pull away when the relationship starts becoming toxic.
We instinctively close ourselves up because we don’t want to get hurt, which harms our relationship even more.
What you should do is the complete opposite of what we’re all doing.
Instead of backing down, you have to reach out. Be clear about what you want in your relationship and don’t be afraid to ask for it. In these situations, the only way to solve problems is through honesty.
Be transparent and tell him everything that’s on your mind, including the things you want to change and how you want to change them.
6. Accept the flaws
There are things he does that annoy you, but have you ever thought reversed the situation? You’re not flawless either.
Maybe there are things about you that annoy him too, and maybe that’s exactly what’s causing all the fuss and toxic behavior on his side.
Learn to be humble and accept you have flaws. Admit them and work on them.
Don’t just look at things from your point of view, but from his as well. In the end, the most important thing you have to remember is that you and your partner are a team.
Relationships are not a competition in which the one who makes fewer mistakes wins.
If you’re going to win, you’re going to win together through teamwork. That takes great responsibility and sacrifice.
7. Listen to their side of the story
He needs to feel heard. Just remember, everything you need, he needs too. In essence, you both want the same, you just don’t know how to get it.
When you talk to him about your relationship, make sure you try to look at things from his perspective. That is the only way you’re going to understand how he feels.
The worst move possible in any relationship facing toxic catastrophe is denying someone’s feelings.
Your partner may indeed be a narcissist or emotionally damaged which makes him hurt you, but maybe he’s not aware of it.
Try to help him get himself together and if he needs to, seek professional help. The last resort is to break up and leave. First, do what you can to fix the relationship.
8. Ask for help
When you have nothing left, ask for help from a professional.
Relationship and life coaches have brought dead relationships to life only because those relationships still had a tiny spark alive that needed to be blazed up.
Sometimes all we need is a bit of guidance and a piece or two of advice to set us in the right path and help us communicate.
Perhaps that third impartial person can help you sort things out.
What happens is they try to exclude your emotional reactions from the conversation which makes the rational side of your brain take lead.
When you think rationally rather than emotionally, it’s possible to reach out to a completely different conclusion.
All in all, you can’t fix something that isn’t broken. To make sure your doubts have a firm ground to stand on, confirm you’re experiencing the signs of a toxic relationship.
7 signs you’re in a toxic relationship
1. He is manipulating you
A relationship without a fight is a relationship set to fail. There have to be ups and downs, that is the relationship dynamic which cannot be disturbed.
On the other hand, if the fighting never stops, your love life is probably going to face failure.
After a while, the negative behavior you’re surrounded with affects your own emotions. The end result is the feeling of resentment and disappointment.
If nothing is done to avoid this from happening, your loved one will slowly turn to the one you hate. Once love grows to hatred, there is no way back.
Your partner is using these situations where you try to stand up for yourself, and turning them into major fights.
Of course, he leaves a winner, you end up the loser. If this scenario keeps repeating itself, you slowly start to believe that it’s your fault for the fights after all.
After a while, you just stop trying to stand up for yourself. After a while, you’re completely brainwashed.
2. He’s controlling your every move
Instead of being your best friend, he has become your worst enemy. Your freedom has become compromised and you feel like you need his approval for anything you do.
In the beginning, his controlling starts small, but then it broadens to the point of the almost impossible and unimaginable.
His obsession over you can outgrow to crazy jealousy. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself in a situation where you can’t go and hang out with your friends or go to visit a family member.
Be honest with yourself! If you’re walking on eggshells because you’re scared of his reactions, then your relationship has taken a very wrong turn and you have to do something about it.
3. He’s a jealous freak
Jealousy is a fast-spreading and very serious disease. If you don’t react on time, it can easily be turned into manipulation.
Also, jealousy is one of the earliest symptoms of a toxic relationship. As I keep mentioning, if you encounter jealousy in small doses, you have nothing to worry about.
If you let it go, you can suffer real serious emotional consequences that will leave deep emotional scars.
4. He makes you nervous
Your relationship has lost trust. You won’t come home after work and talk to him about what happened to you because you don’t feel the need.
Maybe you’ve even tried a few times now and he didn’t listen at all. So, why bother now.
When your mind is troubled and various problems come bursting out of unforeseen situations, you’re destined to deal with them alone.
The sad truth is that you’re aware of the fact you’re left on your own.
5. You’re genuinely unhappy
It all comes down to this. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, you should leave. Although this is a very simple choice, it shouldn’t be your first one.
The first thing you have to do is talk to your partner and try to get to the bottom of your problems.
If communication cannot solve your indifferences, then it’s probably time to look at other options at hand.
6. He doesn’t value your opinion
He’s slowly starting to ignore your presence.
In the beginning, it starts with occasional wandering off in his thoughts while you’re talking until it gets even worse – not only is he not even listening to what you’re saying, but he doesn’t respect what you’ve said even though he hasn’t heard a thing.
This leads to gradual separation.
It starts with ignoring your opinion and it ends with him seducing girls and completely ignoring you.
This situation usually goes on until you decide to tell him it’s over because he clearly doesn’t have the courage to do so.
7. He doesn’t respect your privacy
Your partner invades your privacy because he doesn’t trust you. He feels the need to know where you are and what you’re doing every minute of the day. Whatever you tell him, he won’t believe you, so it’s pointless to even try.
Don’t be surprised if he starts snooping around on your social media accounts. Don’t even be surprised if he demands to take your phone to check your messages and calls.
If this happens in your relationship, you may want to consider that the relationship you think is healthy is actually very toxic.
There are definitely red flags indicating your relationship is faulty. Never ignore those flags, but neither give up without even trying. If your relationship hasn’t lost all hope, give it and him a chance to work this out and try to fix it.
BUT, know where your boundaries are and how far you’re willing to take it.