When people ask me why I’ve been single for so long and when I tell them that I don’t want to fall in love, they are usually shocked. In fact, many think that I’m lying to cover up the fact that I can’t find a partner.
Well, guess what? I’m being completely honest. The truth is that I don’t want to fall in love and here is why.
1. I’ve been hurt in the past
I won’t lie to you; I’ve been hurt in the past and that’s why I don’t want to fall in love again.
My heartaches left inerasable consequences on my emotional and mental health. My heart has been broken more times than I can count.
So, you might as well say that I’m scared of falling in love again.
The last thing I want right now is to give another man a chance to play with me and to give me another heartache.
I’m not ready to put myself out there. I’m not willing to take a chance or to risk getting crushed all over again.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that everyone will be the same as my exes.
However, I’m too much of a coward to give anyone an opportunity to come into my life just so he can end up destroying it.
Maybe along the way I’ve become incapable of loving. Maybe all those toxic men destroyed my faith in love.
Some might say that true love is worth all of the risks.
However, if we’re being honest, there is a much bigger chance of running into someone who will break your heart than into someone who will fix it.
The truth is that I don’t want to fall in love again when my wounds are still wide open and pretty fresh.
2. I carry a lot of emotional baggage
Another reason why I don’t want to fall in love is the emotional baggage I carry around with myself.
Whether I like it or not, this emotional baggage would ruin all of my new romances.
In fact, they wouldn’t even have a chance to end up healthy. They’d be based on lies and deceptions.
It’s not that I still have romantic feelings for someone from my past, I’m just haunted by the demons of my previous relationships. My emotional baggage is weighing me down.
It’s a burden that is always present on my chest.
That is not the way I want to enter my next relationship. You see, I want to be completely healed before letting someone new in.
After all, it would be completely unfair to drag another guy into my own problems and traumas.
I don’t know whether I could give myself to him fully while I’m still broken.
I don’t want to lead him on or use him as my rebound, as that way, I would be the same as those men who hurt me in the past.
Besides, I don’t need a man to heal me and to help me fix my broken heart. Instead, I want to do it by myself.
Until that happens, I will prevent myself from falling in love.
3. I want to focus on myself
Call me selfish but I don’t want to fall in love because I want to focus on myself. I think that this is the period in my life which should be reserved for self-improvement.
I don’t want to waste my precious time and energy on chasing some guy, having relationship dramas or suffering after a break-up.
Instead, I want to invest all of my capacities into becoming a better person and the best possible version of myself.
This is the period in which I want to completely concentrate on my education and self-care. I want to work on myself, find new hobbies, read and discover new things about my personality.
The period in which I want to travel, explore new places and cultures and in which I want to learn.
This is the period in which I want to put my life in order.
This is the period in which I want to turn myself into a self-sufficient and independent woman who has all that she needs.
Into an emotionally and financially stable woman who doesn’t wait for a man to provide for her.
Basically, I want to be content with the person I’m becoming and I want to give it my maximum.
4. I enjoy my single life
To be honest, I don’t feel the need for an emotional partner because I have an awesome time by myself. I’m not lonely and I don’t feel alone in this world.
I couldn’t care less about social norms. I don’t care whether people are talking behind my back, commenting that it’s time for me to finally settle down.
Going to events without a plus-one doesn’t bother me. Spending Valentine’s Day by myself doesn’t concern me.
After all, just because I am not in love, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have anyone to talk to or to share my life with.
I have my friends, my family and, most importantly, I have myself.
In fact, I’m happy with my peace. Even though I’m not claiming that romantic relationships are all about fights, the truth is that I’m better off without unnecessary arguments.
Also, I love that I don’t have to compromise with anyone.
I love the fact that I can do whatever I feel like, without having a partner I should consult or agree with. With the fact that I don’t answer to anyone but myself.
Yes, in this case, I’m the only one who carries all the responsibility for my life.
However, it’s easier that way; I’m the only one making the decisions and the only suffering for my wrong choices.
5. I’m not into modern dating
Maybe I wouldn’t be running from love this much if I had been lucky enough to be born in a different era. In an era when people were honest and trustworthy.
If I had been born in olden times, when you knew where you stood from day one, where you could trust a man when he told you he loved you. In an era when gentlemen who made every girl feel special existed.
The truth is that another crucial reason why I don’t want a relationship is the modern dating practices that I don’t fancy.
You see, almost relationships, casual hookups and one-night stands are just not my thing.
I can’t separate my body from my heart and mind so I know it is impossible for me to stay emotionally detached from a man I spend time with.
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that I judge those who like these things but it’s just not something I feel comfortable doing.
I’m an old-fashioned type of gal. I need a man who will court me and who will wait for me to be ready for the next step of our relationship.
Besides, I’m not someone who gets along well with mixed signals or hot and cold games and I can’t cope with ghosting or unlabelled relationships.
6. I don’t want to lower my standards
People tend to tell me that I’m too picky when it comes to men. Well, the truth is that I just know exactly what and who I want.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for a perfect man. After all, I know that I have my share of flaws and I’m perfectly aware of them.
However, if I do fall in love, I want it to be with someone who will fulfill my standards which I refuse to lower.
I’ve worked hard to build myself into the person that I am today and I’m not ready to settle for less than I deserve.
Besides, I want a real, mature man, I don’t want a project.
I don’t want a boy I’ll have to raise or guide through life, a toxic guy who won’t see my worth or will be intimidated by it or someone who is not ambitious enough to become a better person and to make something out of his life.
Therefore, I don’t want to fall in love with you if you’re not a grown man who knows how to treat a lady right.
In fact, I would rather stay single forever than to be with a guy who is not what I’m looking for.
Guess what? I’m not the only one who refuses to fall in love.
In fact, there are so many people out there who feel exactly the way I do, that there are even songs which talk about my struggle.
Actually, while I was writing this article, I couldn’t help but listen to the Don’t Wanna Fall In Love lyrics from a single by the great singer Jane Child from Canada, released in the late 1980s, together with a music video accompanying it.
Recently, another great singer, KYLE, from the United States, made a remix of this amazing song, which is produced by M-Phazes.
It goes something like this:
It’s just I don’t want to fall in love. (Nope.) Love cuts just like a knife. (That’s right.) You make the knife feel good. (So good, so good.) I’ll fight you till the end.