Divorce may be an unexpected, new reality in your life, but it doesn’t have to signify the end of your happy days.
It is definitely something that takes time to come to terms with, but like any other blow in one’s life, it is not insurmountable, and with time and a healthy approach, you can get to a good place again.
Perhaps the divorce was your idea… perhaps it wasn’t.
Perhaps you ended it on good terms… perhaps you didn’t.
However things are right now between you two, the only sure thing is that you need to move on with your life, and despite feeling the lowest you’ve ever been, find that strength within, and find yourself again in the midst of this unexpected turn of events.
I know it seems way too much to handle right now, but if you want to find your post-divorce groove again, you need to make yourself get out of that bed and find a reason to get up and stay up.
Here are 5 steps that will help you achieve that. If it seems too daunting, take it one day at a time, one step at a time.
1. Don’t be afraid of accepting and dealing with grief
The important thing here is never to deny yourself the process of grieving. You have just lost a basic component of your life, and you need to grieve that loss.
Just don’t let it define you. Your grief is a temporary part of you, and at a certain point, it’s going to go away. It’s not here to stay.
Don’t think you are above grief because it is the only way that will lead to you closure and acceptance of your new reality.
2. Take it one day at a time
Focusing on today seems hard, I know. You’re in the middle of wildly challenging changes that you’re desperately denying are happening, and you’re expected to take it day by day? That’s exactly right.
Every time you catch yourself thinking about the divorce, and therefore creating a negative energy within your thoughts, you live in the past. And doing that will only delay your healing.
Focus on today. Not yesterday and not tomorrow. See how you can seize the day you have in front of you, and try to practice that every single day.
Don’t get stuck in negative scenarios, and don’t relive your painful experience. Today is all you have. Treat it as such by making the most of it.
With time, it really will get better and easier.
3. Get your ex out of your head
Thinking about your ex and talking about your ex prevent you from focusing on the most important person in your life now – you.
Right now, you are the only one in control of your life, and you don’t need to share it with anyone else. Therefore, you don’t need to think about anyone who is no longer an active member in your world.
This does not make you a victim. It makes you a leader of your life, and it’s the only way you’ll survive and regain your power. Don’t waste your energy on someone who has other things to do now.
4. Focus on healing and evolving
By now, you need to accept the fact that it really is over. If you and your spouse were going to get back together, it would’ve happened by now.
You both would’ve made an effort to save your marriage before resorting to the final measure, and that is your divorce.
This is your reality now. Focus your attention on healing, accepting, and evolving. Admit to yourself that it just wasn’t meant to be, and that it was no one’s fault.
Give yourself space to heal, and know that both you and your ex are in the same situation right now. Find comfort in that.
It’s not easy on anyone, so it’s best to do what is necessary to get your life back on track.
5. Take care of yourself
The good thing about this difficult situation is that now you have so much time to focus on yourself, so treat yourself the way you’d treat your best friend who was going through the same thing.
Don’t neglect your needs. Don’t think you don’t deserve to feel good again.
Go to a spa for the weekend. Relax, let somebody take care of your mind, body and soul, and spend that time recharging and spending quality time with your girls.
It is essential that you prioritize yourself now more than ever. Your well-being is important, and don’t let your new reality fog your mind.
Always put yourself first, for both yourself and for those in your life who still rely on you.