The term “narcissist” comes from Greek mythology.
The myth tells the story of Narcissus leaning over a pool of water for a drink, but when he saw his reflection, he fell in love with himself and did not want to drink the water because he was afraid he would be his perfect image would ruin.
Some say he fell into the water and drowned while looking at himself. His obsession with himself and his beauty has become his downfall.
When it comes to narcissists, the first image that comes to our minds is usually that of an attractive, handsome, charming and grandiose person who is so self-sufficient that she never leaves her house without a hand mirror and they always hold their camera phone in their hands so they can admire their beauty.
But even though the usual associations with narcissism are fortitude, superficial charm, lack of empathy and unreliability, attention seeking, manipulation and many others, there are many different types of narcissists who do not have these qualities.
One of them is the “vulnerable” narcissist. This type of narcissism is probably more dangerous than the grandiose, because it is very hard to spot.
You can know someone for years and you do not realize that he is a narcissist.
These types of narcissists have a high self-esteem, but are restrained and calm. And because they get the attention rare, they need to manipulate them others to get them.
They are always the victims who urgently need compassionate attention. They are emotionally dehydrating and it’s hard to beat them because their oversensitive nature is associated with an emotional challenge.
Their whole purpose in life is to have as many people around them as they can, who will regard them as the amazing and perfect beings they believe to be .
Vulnerable narcissists are vulnerable to depression because the life they live does not match the fantasy life they have in mind and feel justified in. They seem introverted, collected and calm.
However, the control over their emotions is bad due to the problems they have with their self-esteem. Their way of defending themselves is to exclude people and be passive-aggressive, to punish them and teach them a lesson.
Besides, they will always play the victim card because they always see themselves as victims.
Here are seven telltale signs that you’re dealing with a vulnerable narcissist.
1. “One is crying because he’s sad … I’m crying because others are stupid and that makes me sad.”
Vulnerable narcissists tend to listen half-heartedly, instead they love to speak and judge.
They may not express their negative feelings towards you, but you will be able to feel them by their condescending look, their sighs, their rolling eyes, their lack of eye contact and their general rudeness and carelessness.
And when they decide to speak, their words are usually full of judgment and criticism. This complacency is a facade that hides its insecurities because they are unable to meaningfully connect with other people.
2. “I am unique and a very misunderstood person.”
Vulnerable narcissists believe that they are the special and so ahead of everyone else that they are so often misunderstood by other people.
Every confrontation is basically a proof that the others do not understand and therefore can not keep up with them.
Believing that they are smarter and better than their fellow human beings, they feel entitled to being treated like a king because of their “exceptionality” in concealing their underlying fears.
3. “I have trouble being in a relationship”.
Vulnerable narcissists are unable to be in a relationship and build strong and meaningful relationships with others.
Their complacency and their distanced nature, which are their defense mechanisms, keep people away from them.
In addition, many vulnerable narcissists deal with other things such as games, fantasies, technology, books, etc., to minimize intimate contact with other people.
4. “Oh, you are sick? But what about our agreement to go to the mall? “
Every narcissist, whether vulnerable or grandiose, has a lack of empathy and compassion.
They are not interested in other people’s feelings and how their actions can hurt other people. They only care about themselves and their well-being.
For this reason, a vulnerable narcissist can never be understood when it comes to their own problems, incidents or even health concerns. It can only upset him alone if it collides with his own plans and destroys them.
5. “Everything is boring unless it’s about me.”
Sensitive narcissists are so self-centered that they get bored listening to other people.
They think that any situation that does not concern them, or where they are not tainted, is not worthy of their attention, and therefore they tend to mentally block any conversation that is not of their own interest.
They focus only on their selfish needs and call anything but “stupid” or “boring”.
6. “I am very sensitive, so do not dare to criticize me.”
Their lack of empathy allows them to misinterpret even the slightest criticism, raising a great deal of anger and feeling a strong sense of humiliation.
Vulnerable narcissists are extremely sensitive. They can not deal with criticism healthily and will defend themselves with rejection or surly retreat.
7. “I will always do the things I want, no matter what I have told you.”
Vulnerable narcissists deal with problems or demands passively aggressive. If you kindly ask them for something, they may say “okay, no problem”, but in the end, they will not do anything or do what they want.
And if you ask them why they did not respect your agreement, they can dismiss the whole thing with an apology or even say that their way is better.
They are unshaken in the belief that they know everything better, and no one has to tell them how to do something.