Women have the tendency to feel insecure to the point where it turns into jealousy and that ruins relationships and makes things worse than they actually are. Taking into consideration that our partner does have a past and did date other people before us, we tend to go crazy and obsess over those women. I mean, his dick was inside her (sorry for the language), but that’s reason enough to feel jealousy, right? There was a woman before me who he loved and cared for and that thought has the ability to make my days with him harder, because I can’t stop focusing on her and what they had. But, if we all just took a step back and took a deep breath in, we could see that things aren’t so bad as we make them seem. We all want to stop our jealous thought process and continue our relationship in a happy manner, so here are some tips on how to do so:
1. Realize that the past doesn’t matter
Easier said than done, right? The past has a huge impact on us, but the deal here is that we can’t change it as much as we wanted. We can cry and scream but none of that can influence our past, because it’s already gone. The important thing here is that he broke up his past relationship for whatever reason, but it’s over and it’s your time to shine now. You don’t want to spend your valuable days with him worrying about something you can’t change. All you have is this moment right now to change your tomorrow. So use this moment to show him that you are thankful for having him and he will appreciate and love you more than anyone else ever before.
2. Don’t punish him
You can’t really blame him for whatever he’s done in his past relationships, because at those moments it seemed right. How many mistakes have you made in relationships before him? Don’t punish him with bad behavior, screaming at him or throwing a sarcastic comment about his ex when you shouldn’t. This can just make you both mad and it won’t lead you anywhere.
3. Work on yourself
Because of your preoccupation with him and his ex, you might start to lose your sense of self. Stop it. Focus on yourself and your own health and development. There are so many great books to read that can teach you about self-love and there are so many beautiful things to see in this world, so don’t bother spending your life thinking about his ex. It’s not worth it.
4. Work on your communication
Communication is the best way to solve any problem, EVER! Sit down with your partner and tell him that you feel insecure because of his past and that it doesn’t let you have a peaceful moment. If he loves you, he will listen to you and he will try to understand your emotions. What can you get out of this? Reassurance. He will tell you that there’s no need for you to worry because you are all that matters to him right now and that he will do anything possible to make you forget that she ever existed.
5. Replace negative self-talk with realism
You might feel jealous because you think that she’s prettier or hotter than you are. But wait a minute! Look at yourself in the mirror and see the beauty that is yourself. See yourself in the right light. If you really think that YOU find something about yourself to be unattractive, that doesn’t mean that your boyfriend ever recognizes it and that’s the beauty of it. You feel so insecure, but he loves every inch of you.
6. Write it down
You don’t have to run to your partner every time you feel insecure and jealous, because it’ll take more than one chat to fix it. So, keep a journal. Write down how you feel, why you feel like this and how you can change it. Most of the time you will find the solution yourself and you won’t need to freak out every time you feel these negative feelings. Also, one day you can go back and laugh at how insecure you were, because one day in the future, you two will still be together and his ex will remain his ex.
7. Wear a rubber band
If nothing else works, then do this. Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it against yourself every time you feel jealousy creeping up on you. This will make your body remember that jealousy isn’t healthy and that it’s combined with pain. Your body and brain don’t want to feel pain and you will snap out of it before you even start thinking about her.