Does love always have to be perfect? The answer is obvious, because if you ask the question so directly, probably just about everyone will shake their heads and deny it. Why, then, do so many people have this same claim to love and relationships?
“Everything was perfect.” At least for a moment. And that’s what counts. Small, individually perfect moments. Because these show us that the partner makes an effort, that we are important to him and he wants to make us happy. Because then he is happy too. This is how love works. But friction is part of it too. Quarrel, tears, jealousy. Because these are also signs of deep feelings without which a relationship does not work. If everything is always going crazy and there are no ups and downs, then the habit comes into play. It is not everyday life that kills love, nor is it the habit. It is indifference and disrespect. To become inattentive to the partner and to permanently stop giving him the time and attention he deserves. The very one human being whom we have chosen to give him our love, in which we set our hopes for the future and our happiness. For less than that, a relationship should not be expected. Or is that too optimistic, too high, too much expected?
How much optimism does love really need? And when does love become blind? If we access what we have learned and can learn about love, then on the one hand there is the media presentation. Soap operas that show us the beautiful side of being in love in the evening program and also the laughing grin of hurt and disappointed feelings. All major Hollywood films, on the other hand, show us the “true love”. Because she always finds her way. And you can absolutely rely on that, because there is no way around it that the right people find each other. It would be nice! Because – welcome to reality – every year tens of millions of people give small, are grateful if they ever find someone to fight with them loneliness, people live in partnerships, Although they are no longer happy and are only out of fear of being alone, parents decide that it is better for the children to stay together. And where is the perfection? Is not there great love?
“That’s where the relationship really starts.”
Each couple usually tells the story of a somewhat similar structured history of getting to know each other: one found oneself very sympathetic from the beginning, one began to think more about the other one at a certain time. In the end, they nervously dated and then switched to profound conversations, which led to someone being allowed in and eventually venturing into a relationship. And then it starts. In most cases we want to show the partner how perfect we are. It gets going, boiled, walked, laughed, time shoveled and blasted above all to the bet. Over time, the first quirks then show up. There is trouble in paradise, because everything is not that perfect. One reports too little, the other is disappointed. The new guy has a “little” alcohol problem that manifests itself every weekend in such a way that the partner has to spend Sunday with her in cat mode or even alone. Reality has arrived and the perfect brickwork is crumbling. Behind the facade, very slowly, the human being who we actually are and who we have tried to hide or to optimize in such a way that a more amiable version of our self comes out of it emerges. And only now decides who really stays together. Because only now you know who you have there. Suddenly whole guys are sitting in front of their girlfriends with big problems, trying to keep the last of the shiny Sunnyboys who they want to be. There, staunch women sit sobbing in front of their partners because they have to admit to themselves and the other, that they are not as tough and confident as they always have. That’s where the real relationship begins. Because from now on, it’s really about the two individuals, as they are.
Yet, there are extremely many people who think they have to always do their partner the right thing and be the perfect partner who always supports, beaming outward and always freeing the other’s back. And then there are those who think they have to preserve the beautiful appearance, at least to the outside world. As long as this does not disturb the inner life of the relationship, it is possible, albeit rather meaningless. What happens if you just bust and admit that not everything is always perfect and going according to plan? If you also criticize the partner, question him and thus drive his (and your) personal development? Then break a jag from the crown? No. And, at best, you’ll even be rewarded with a stronger partnership, a better bond, and a more honest self-image. Because why do we always want to appear as perfect as possible? Perfect is boring and inauthentic. And that’s not what love is. Love is never boring, but always authentic.