So, how does one get over heartbreak?
Every single one of us has had their heartbroken. One minute your world is just how you like it and the next everything seems to have been ruined.
You can almost feel physical pain from everything that’s burning up inside of you and it feels like it’s going to rip you apart.
Don’t let it!
Getting over a heartbreak won’t be easy, but it is possible and proven by the fact that basically everyone has done it at least once in their lifetime.
All the plans, promises, and ideas you had with your partner have suddenly come to an end.
A love that you thought was stronger than anything now has nowhere to go and it’s stuck, somewhere inside of you, causing you to feel devastated.
This huge emotional loss is causing you to reevaluate everything in your life, including your habits, hopes, dreams, and goals.
This article will help you deal with the messy web of emotions that has you wondering if any of this is even real.
There are some things that you can do to make sure you heal as healthily and as quickly as possible. Making sure your lifestyle is in tune with your healing process is incredibly important.
Getting over a heartbreak: How to do it
1. Your emotions are real – validate them
Nothing good can come from trying to detach yourself from your emotions. No one can tell you that your emotions are inappropriate or exaggerated.
Whatever you feel is okay. You may be colder than you expected to be or you may be very hurt and cry all the time.
Accept your emotions for whatever they are. It’s your honest emotional reaction, which means it’s true and no one can tell you otherwise.
Your healing process must begin with accepting that you have a broken heart.
2. Keep in mind that YOU are not YOUR EMOTIONS
Your emotions are a response to your perception of the world around you. They are not who you are.
When something hurtful happens to you, something that has you questioning your entire personality, it’s easy to start thinking badly about yourself.
Heartbreak usually has people feeling like a completely different person and that’s normal. However, don’t let this ruin your self-esteem.
You are not your emotions. Your personality isn’t best represented by the way you feel and act after a break-up.
This is one of the lows of life everyone goes through. Going through all the stages of grief is expected, don’t let it get to you.
3. You’re going to need your friends and family
Everyone needs a support system. It’s pretty hard to go through any kind of heartache if you don’t have your friends and family by your side.
Who needs a life coach when you have your best friend?!
Your best friend is usually the person who knows you best and was also very well acquainted with everything that was happening in your relationship.
They are the ones who can help you get over it all as soon as possible. Sometimes, a family member can surprise you with the support they are willing to offer.
They might bring you delicious treats, inspire you to get out of bed, talk to you about your struggles, and motivate you to move on with your life.
4. Concentrate on the negative (I bet you don’t hear this often)
Maybe this isn’t something any relationship expert would tell you but, here goes.
There are reasons your relationship didn’t work out. Think about the things that were wrong with your relationship.
People have a tendency to put on their rose-tinted glasses when they are going through heartbreak and focus on the most precious moments of the relationship.
The last thing you need right now is to think about how amazing your ex-partner was. Think about the things that caused your break up.
Focus on whatever it was that you didn’t like about your ex-partner and about the relationship.
This will help you stay realistic about the circumstances you are in and help you deal better with getting through this.
5. Concentrate on the positive
Once you feel like you are starting to get over the heartbreak, don’t let it remain a weak point in your life.
It has given you newfound individualism, self-love, and (in the long run) it has helped you realize who you are and what things you want in your life. Appreciate this.
Praise yourself for going through a hard time and coming out stronger on the other side. Don’t wallow in the pain it caused you forever.
Accept it for what it was – a turning point in your life that made you see things differently and probably opened up the possibility of meeting someone new, the person who will be the one for you.
6. Create a new routine
When a relationship ends you might feel completely lost because your former partner was a huge part of your routine.
You probably used to do lots of things with them, and trying to follow the exact same routine will leave you feeling empty.
Create a new routine for yourself, something that won’t be tainted by the image of your ex-partner.
Create something that is completely yours and feel happy you get a chance to do this. Do things your way, with no compromise needed.
Don’t cling to the way your life looked when you were still in a relationship. Things change.
Everyone gets to love and everyone sometimes needs to let go.
Make sure you don’t dwell on what might have happened if you’d stayed together. If you were meant to be you wouldn’t have broken up in the first place.
7. Don’t follow unhealthy patterns
You fall in love, you get deeply emotionally and physically connected and your body creates all these happiness hormones.
Once you end a relationship you might be missing all the endorphins that were created in your body while you were happy.
You might be going through some withdrawal symptoms. Don’t look for happiness and calmness in unhealthy habits.
Some people start following a truly destructive routine when dealing with a broken heart – not sleeping enough, sleeping all the time, undereating or overeating, or even beginning substance abuse.
Don’t let yourself ruin your otherwise lovely life by dealing with this heartbreak in such an unhealthy way.
You are a strong person who knows how to do this better. Empower yourself with positive thoughts.
8. Make sure you mourn your relationship for as long as you need to
The post-breakup mourning period doesn’t have a limit. Some people need less time and some people need more to be able to return to their normal lives.
Don’t let the mourning period take over your life but certainly give yourself enough time to heal.
The duration of your healing may depend a lot on how long your relationship lasted or on what terms it ended.
Not every heartbreak is the same and don’t let anyone try to put your healing into a certain time-frame you should respect. There is no deadline for the healing process.
Make sure you take as long as you need and don’t fake that you’re feeling good just to satisfy other people’s (or your own) idea of how you SHOULD be doing by now. Give it time.
9. Take good care of yourself
Self-care is one of the most important steps in the healing process. The first thing you should do is involve yourself in as many positive things as you can.
Take care of your diet – that’s the beginning of staying healthy and feeling good.
Start exercising. Being physically active will help with those withdrawal symptoms as well, making you feel happier, stronger, and more in touch with your own needs.
Talking of your needs, think about everything you used to do before your relationship. Is there anything you miss, like a hobby or an activity you used to do with friends?
Consider picking up where you left off or finding a new interesting hobby to keep you busy.
It will benefit you to take a bit of extra care of your appearance. You know that cliche where a woman gets a haircut or dyes her hair right after a break-up? Well, it helps.
Do anything that will help you feel more confident and happier.
10. DON’T contact your ex
The no contact rule applies. Your ultimate goal is to create a clean slate. You want to break all the ties connecting you to your ex, especially that energy that you feel pulling you in.
Contacting them is not the end of the world, but it sure will make this whole process so much longer.
Try not to stalk them on social media or pay any attention to their lives for the time being.
Sure you should be civil when you accidentally meet them, just make sure you’re not faking the ”accidentally” part.
Don’t seek them. It will be hard, but it’s the best, if not the only way to completely recover from a broken heart.
If your former partner contacts you, be honest and tell them you’d prefer it if you didn’t see them or hear from them for a while.
Explain to them that this wish isn’t a product of hard feelings they might think you have, but simply something you need to do for yourself in order to heal.
11. Don’t seek closure too soon
In the spirit of what I said earlier, don’t seek closure with your partner for now. Accept the fact that you might be the one to give yourself closure.
Meeting with your former partner, especially soon after the break-up, will be too tough to handle.
There’s no possible way all the emotions you had for them won’t come back the very instant you see them and speak to them.
This will most definitely prolong your mourning period and break your whole healing process.
Closure is something everyone wants to have, and if you really feel like you can’t go on without it, keep in mind that weeks, months, or years from now you’ll get it and find some comfort in that.
12. If you feel like dating – you can
Breaking up with someone opens you up to the world of dating again. If you feel like you’re ready to date or meet someone you like, go for it.
There’s nothing and no one stopping you from doing that. Maybe you don’t feel like entering a serious relationship and if you’re only looking for a fling, be open about it with your partner.
Just because you’re feeling hurt doesn’t mean you should intentionally hurt someone else.
That won’t help you, it will actually only make you feel worse about yourself.
It’s perfectly fine to follow your instincts and start dating again, but have a good long talk with yourself about what it is you need and want from the new relationship and share those thoughts with your partner.
13. … but try not to date too soon or too recklessly
If you’re thinking about dating only to spite your ex, that’s honestly a very bad idea. While it might make your ex jealous for a while, it will bring you a lot of pain and you don’t want that, right?
Rebound relationships might be a thing, but actually they only make you think less about your ex for a while, and all the pain continues to build up inside.
Sooner or later it all comes out, and it comes out running. You want to deal with everything you need to deal with while it’s still fresh.
Don’t go around it. Go through it. No one ever benefited from hiding their feelings under the carpet.
Don’t choose to date just because you think it will help you move on if you don’t really feel like dating.
14. Make a list of your strengths to help you feel better about yourself
It’s really important to love yourself in the process of healing. There are some tricks I find to help create a better image of yourself and love yourself more.
One of those tricks is to create a list of things you love about yourself.
You can start by listing your best physical traits and continue with writing about all of your character’s strongest feelings.
It would be great if you could remember some situations that you handled well in your life and write them down, too, as inspiration to get you through this tough situation.
Remember all the times you went through something hard but came out stronger and better on the other side.
Think about all the wonderful qualities you have as a person and every way you make the lives of people around you better.
You are important. You matter. Your life has worth even without the relationship that ended.
15. Try helping someone else move on
There’s probably someone in your life dealing with something hard of their own. Helping someone else can be very beneficial for you.
It might sound selfish – helping someone for your own interest. Even if it is selfish, it’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes, especially if your version of being selfish is helping someone.
Being an objective listener to someone else’s story will help clear your complex thoughts about your life and your story.
Of course, their circumstances will be different from yours, but you’ll probably notice a pattern of behavior that occurs with people going through heartbreak.
Helping them carry their burden and resolve their issues will help you feel better about yourself and life in general, but also to think more clearly about your personal struggle.
16. Try mindfulness
There will be many unpleasant emotions you’ll have to learn how to deal with.
Mindful activities such as meditation will help you get to the core of your own mind and handle stress and negativity so much better.
Don’t try to control or stop your emotions. Let them run through you and find their outlet naturally.
This will also help your confidence by helping you to realize you’re only giving power to negativity if you try to aggressively chase it away.
I hope, from the very bottom of my heart that also has been broken, more than once, that these tips on getting over heartbreak have been helpful.
The sufi teacher, philosopher, and poet Rumi said: “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
The wound in your heart will be there forever, but you will learn to accept it and let it be a part of your experience and not an experience that will define you on its own.
After this depressing period of darkness, the light will enter your wound, and your life will take a happier turn.
It hurts, yes, but you are brave enough to let yourself heal.