We have all been warned of romantic vampire predators that suck our lives. And yet, no matter how hard we try, sometimes they come unexpectedly and we have to find a way to free ourselves from the negative energy.
So how exactly can we identify and remove a poisonous lover from our lives?
A partner is “poisonous” if it has any or all of the following properties:
It’s great, loved, needed to be admired by someone else. But there is a fine line between love and obsession.
Partners who feel the need to obsess about clinging to their partners are likely to have very little self-esteem.
These are people who need the affection of others to feel complete. Sometimes they are also referred to as “dependent”.
It is flattering that your partner wants to spend time with you, but this need for constant attention can quickly become overbearing.
We also all need our personal freedom, and if you feel like you can not sneeze without your partner grabbing a handkerchief and dabbing your nose, you may feel stifled by the relationship.
We all need to feel that we can trust our partner, that we do not have to worry about where he is going or who he is with. And it is perfectly normal for our friend to return these feelings.
However, it is unusual for a partner to have the last word about who we are with, where we go and what we wear. A healthy partnership does not mean hacking into our email account or reading our lyrics.
It’s not about taking away every bit of independence and insisting on having total control over our physical, mental, emotional or financial well-being.
If you find that your friend has moved in with you very quickly, has taken over all your bills and has insisted that you manage your finances in a common account – be careful!
Even if it feels good to take care of you, these are very common tactics of narcissistic perpetrators.
If you’re pretty sure you can not believe anything your partner says, you’re probably right.
Having a hunch or an intuitive feeling that he is lying about something – big or small – should be a warning sign.
Being secretive about your birthday or anniversary is one thing, but being secretive all the time means your partner is up to no good.
Once caught in a lie or two, it becomes difficult to trust anything he says or does.
4. Overly jealous
Probably the most annoying feature of a poisonous partnership!
Again, it is natural for your partner to become suspicious or uncomfortable if you insist on maintaining a close friendship with your ex; There is a degree of healthy uncertainty in every relationship.
It is quite different when you can not hang out with anyone at all.
If your partner does not want you to meet someone of the opposite s*x, be jealous of your male boss, teacher, cashier, or waiter, that’s a very bad sign.
Too much uncertainty is a symptom of deep-seated emotional trauma. Individuals who have high levels of jealousy or insecurity have probably been burned in the past and have not taken the necessary steps to heal.
While it is possible to work through these insecurities with the partner and develop a healthy level of trust, it is far more common for the relationship to stagnate in a state of mistrust and for you to diverge if your partner does not first address the problem internally.
So, he’s poisonous-what now?
There is very little you can do to save a relationship if you are the only one doing the work and trying to “repair” someone who does not even acknowledge the need for change.
These kinds of problems must first be addressed at their core, and the best way to resolve the toxicity in a relationship is simply to let them go.
For a relationship to last, it needs trust, honesty, empathy and compromise.
If your love is to be real, you two will lay a sound foundation and engage in open communication to solve any problems that arise.
You pay attention to your partner’s interests and your own, and do not be afraid to set personal boundaries while remaining flexible and receptive to the needs of others.