When it comes to dating and relationships, everyone has their absolute dealbreakers, and oftentimes people could tell you what those dealbreakers are without even having to think about it. And while it’s obviously good to know someone’s dealbreakers from the jump (because you won’t waste your time with anyone who you know doesn’t want to be with you), they can also tell you a lot about the person you might be dating even if they’re not something that applies to you personally.
Most people decide that something is a dealbreaker for a specific reason and because of a specific experience, so even if they haven’t shared that experience with you yet you might be able to get a good idea of what happened just based on what the dealbreaker is. So what might some of the most common dealbreakers mean, and what might they tell you about someone?
If you asked anyone in the world if they wanted to date a liar almost everyone would say no, but the reality is that everyone on earth has lied in their life and we all know it. But if someone says that they have a particular dealbreaker about someone who lies that is not because they’ve never told a lie in their life, it’s almost certainly because they have been lied to by a significant other at some point and those lies had a drastic negative effect on them and the relationship as a whole. If they’re saying no liars, this is the kind of lie that they mean.
On its face, this seems like a dealbreaker for pretty much everyone, but there are a lot of people in the world who have cheated before and they still manage to find partners, so clearly it’s more important to some than others. But if someone doesn’t want to date anyone who has ever cheated under any circumstance then it’s a pretty safe bet to assume that they have been cheated on and were extremely hurt and traumatized by the experience, or perhaps one of their own parents was a cheater and it had a drastic effect on the family to the point where it’s an absolute no go for them.
Smoking is an unfortunate habit that even most smokers would probably like to ditch if it was easy, but a lot of people find that being a smoker can be a solid dealbreaker for a romantic relationship. That dealbreaker could indicate a few different things, it could be that this person used to smoke and kicked the addiction, but now they don’t want to be exposed to it again.
Or it could mean that the person is particularly sensitive to smoking for health reasons, maybe the smoke physically irritates them or maybe they’re extremely concerned about their own health, or maybe they know someone who has physically suffered because of smoking.
Alcohol seems to occupy a kind of strange and complex part of our overall culture, so it’s no surprise that some people consider being a drinker to be a total dealbreaker. One might presume that this is a dealbreaker because the person is recovering from an alcohol problem (which is certainly possible), but it could also mean that they have had a significant relationship, whether it was romantic, familial, or friendship, that was really affected by alcohol to the point where they’re no longer comfortable being around someone who drinks. Or it could just mean that they find people who drink really annoying.
Must Be Employed
Being employed might seem like a pretty low bar for most people, but it’s also understandable and pretty typical that most people today have had to deal with periods of unemployment at some points in their lives. So why do so many people have a dealbreaker that might seem a little unfair on the surface? Well, people who have this dealbreaker probably aren’t being judgmental about unemployment so much as they don’t want to be stuck taking care of their significant other, and it’s very possible that they have already experienced that stressor and have no interest in dealing with it again.
No Mama’s Boys
Pretty much everyone loves their mother, so why is it that being a mama’s boy has such a negative connotation for so many different people? Well, it’s probably for a few reasons. Men who idealize their mothers can sometimes have a slightly twisted perception of a lot of other women, and some women might feel uncomfortable being with someone who has a really overbearing mom. It can also be an indication that she doesn’t have a great relationship with her mother, or that she just doesn’t want to compete with the vision of a “perfect woman” that most mama’s boys seem to have in their heads.
Don’t Mistreat The Waitstaff
It’s actually very interesting that this is such a huge dealbreaker for so many different people, but if you look at the thought process behind it then it’s easy to understand why.
Most people who are romantically interested in each other will treat each other well specifically because of that interest, and how someone treats the waitstaff on a date is a good indication of how someone treats a person if they’re not trying to get anything out of them. It’s also a good indication of manners, kindness, and whether or not this person might even repeatedly embarrass you in public.
No Players Allowed
If you asked most people in the world if they would like to date someone who is known as a player they would almost certainly say no, but people who wind up actually being players typically have enough charm to win people over (hence how they became players in the first place). But if you meet someone for whom being a player, or even reformed player, is a dealbreaker, then it’s a pretty near guarantee that that’s because they have been played out hard in the past. Clearly they feel like that experience taught them a tough lesson and have no interest in having to learn it again.
Although being concerned about a total strangers diet may seem strange and superficial on the surface, it actually makes a lot of sense in the long term survivability of a relationship. Some people care a lot about their diets and some not at all, and even those who are extremely particular about what they eat might have a totally different meal plan that another super attentive eater. But if someone cares a lot about diet when it comes to dating, it’s because they probably care a lot about what they’re doing to and for themselves, so they might be fatally mismatched with someone who really can’t be bothered.
Friends Coming First
When it comes to dealbreakers, a dealbreaker about friends coming before the relationship is an interesting one that can really go both ways. Some people want to be in relationships with someone who will prioritize the relationship over everything else, but other people want to be in a relationship with someone who will rank their friendships as more important as, or at least equal to, their romantic relationship. You can certainly understand a lot about a person based on which category they fall into, and honestly, if your priorities there don’t match up then the relationship probably won’t work in the long run.