A lot of women make the same mistake when the narcissist they’ve broken up with comes back, especially if they are freshly out of the relationship.
We all make that mistake because frankly, we are still in love with our narcissist.
Although we know they are bad for us and we’re only going to be miserable, something draws us back to them.
It’s their lies and their false epiphany, their empty promises that they will change and that things are going to be different.
That’s when we make the mistake and take them back, instead of chasing them as far away from us as possible.
But the real truth behind their return is that something in their life is not going quite the way they wanted. Something is not right.
Some other source of energetic supply has been compromised and they are coming back to their regular source of energy that kept them happy and ‘well-fed’ for a long time.
They are not coming back because they have realized their behavior was hurtful and mean, they are coming back because they have no one to dry the energy out. They don’t love you, they just want to use you.
The narcissist doesn’t care for you as a person. They don’t care for your virtues or for who you really are.
They have a desire for something that you provided them with and they want it. That’s why they come back to you.
They see people as objects, things they can change, use and toss away when they are done with them and move on to the next item.
Just please remember, they won’t be coming back because they love you.
They will be coming back because you have something they need and you kid yourself into thinking that they have come back to make amends and to apologize.
You think they are going to change but that never happens, which leaves you broken and disappointed. It makes you feel used because you are being used.
What to do when the narcissist comes back and how to chase him away for good
1. He will apologize to you
He will come crawling back to you, pretending to be sorry. He will look devastated and broken like his whole world came tumbling down.
He will look like he feels bad for his actions and regrets them. But the thing is, it’s ridiculous to talk about apologizing when someone has done something on purpose.
An apology can only be true and sincere when you’re apologizing for something that happens by accident.
Narcissists are aware of the fact that the thing they are doing is wrong. They know they are breaking your heart and that they are making you feel like shit but they do it anyway.
So how can an apology be sincere if you know the thing he is apologizing for is intentional? You just can’t match one little sorry with all the horrible things they have done to you.
2. He will stalk you
Suddenly, you’ll see him all over the place. If you go for a walk, if you go to the gym, if you go to the market, you’ll see him and believe me, that is not an accident.
That is happening for a reason. It’s all a part of his hovering tactics, with which he wants to pull you back to him. Probably because he misses you but not in a normal way.
He misses draining all the energy out of you and making himself satisfied and happy.
He will stalk you on social media and carefully observe every move you make.
He wants to be sure that you are all alone and miserable without him and while he’s waiting for your weak moment, he’ll try to make you see him in the best possible light. Don’t fall for those kinds of tricks.
The best thing you could do is to ignore him completely. Don’t let him get inside your head. He has not changed and he never will.
He is still the same old manipulative a*shole who’ll drain you and spit you out once again. Spare yourself the pain and chase him away.
3. You’re his safety net
When the narcissist comes back, he knows that you will be there for him. He knows that you are going to be his safety net.
As long as you’re there to catch him, he is going to keep doing what he is doing because there are no consequences.
He always gets what he wants and you always get hurt. Does this seem fair?
By taking him back over and over again, you’re just proving to him that his behavior is working.
It might not be right, he knows it’s not, but you keep giving him second chances, so he keeps using them.
You have to be strong enough to cut him off. You have to make him aware that you’ve had enough and that your energy source is no longer available for him to exploit.
I’m not saying that this should do it but it will definitely keep him at a distance for a while until he becomes desperate again.
4. Try no contact
The no contact rule is the best way to go. But sometimes no contact is impossible to maintain.
It’s impossible if the guy, your narcissist, is someone you’re working with or your ex-husband whom you have kids with.
But let’s say there is nothing out there keeping you close to him, then you can easily let him go and block him out of your life.
But you have to want it. Because there will be times when you’re going to miss him. No matter how big of an a*s he was, there were times when he was even good to you.
I mean he was nice and kind to you because he needed something from you, it was just another means of manipulation.
But you’re not going to miss him as a person, you’re going to miss the feeling of affection.
You’re going to miss having someone by your side in the moments when you are going to be depressed and alone.
You’re going to miss having anyone by your side and that is when the biggest danger of going back to him occurs.
He will exploit that and come back to you. Try not to contact him. Keep the no contact rule, no matter how sad and lonely you are.
Try to talk to a friend or sleep on it and don’t make decisions you’re going to regret.
5. You have to be indifferent
You have to make yourself as less interesting as you can. You have to be so boring that he doesn’t want to be close to you.
Don’t respond to his provocations, and there will be plenty, just be boring.
Don’t talk to him about anything except the things you have to talk about.
This is the most effective way of defending yourself from narcissistic people when you have no other option than to be around him, where you can’t apply the no contact rule.
Narcissists come back all of a sudden and when you least expect it because they are missing something from their life. They need something and probably they can’t get it.
This is what creates a void inside of them which they need to fulfill right away. That’s when he turns back to you because you were good enough for the job.
He used you so many times before, so why not try once again?
Don’t show any kind of reaction, be faceless as a dull, gray stone and he will leave because you are not interesting to him anymore.
He can’t use you anymore, so he will go off and seek another victim to destroy emotionally.
Just keep in mind that every time he comes back and you take him back, you are the one left in tears while he walks away calmly. You are only doing him a favor.